“Can you please stay?”
“I have something I want to talk to you about.”
The child watched as the room emptied.
When it was clear everyone had gone, the teacher stood up from her desk and approached the girl, pulling up a chair next to her and beginning from the start.
“I got your assignment…..thank you for getting it to me in time…”
The girl nodded and picked up her pen.
The teacher kept on….
“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?
The paper you turned in is good….don’t get me wrong…plenty of other girls would love to turn in something like the paper you have written….but I know you….
I know you can do better….and you’re not doing it…..
Do you want to tell me why……….?”
The girl began to fidget with the pen, holding it in her left hand and sliding the lid up
and then placing her thumb on top of the lid and pushing it back down
Click.. clack.. click… clack.. click… clack.. click…………
The teacher reached out and gently the took the pen.
The man looked at the girl, and shook his head sideways.
His wife had died in childbirth, giving birth to their only son and leaving him in charge to care for the boy alone.
Another child in their house was unwelcome.
They had no provision or room, and they most definitely did not know what to do with a girl.
Was he meant to feed her?
Train her~ and speak to her exactly the same as his son or what he would do with a boy?
Or did he need to find a woman.
A specialist in dancing, and tea ceremony and whatever else it was that women did.
What was the point of it he wondered?
And what on earth was he to do about it?
The teacher began spinning the girls pen between her fingers, before putting it down on the hand written note book.
“You know you don’t have to stay” she said.
“You’re not in trouble.
You can get up and go at any time it suits….I just thought maybe you might want to tell me what is that is bothering you….”
The girl picked up the pen again.
“You need to stop pushing me” she blurted.
“I’m not like the other girls…… I can’t control it the same way they do.”
Click clack click clack…..
“They have proper training.
You can see it in their work. Your work.
All the girls have control…..
I don’t have that ability yet…..
When I unleash it, I can’t control it. You saw me in class today…..
As soon as my guard is let down, it pours out of me like a deluge which can’t stop.
Where other girls have flow, I have force.
Where other girls have poise, I have chaos.
Where other girls have grace, I have danger.
As soon as I allow it free reign….
it’s like trying to harness lightning…..
It burns through my body…..
…… exhausting me…..
until I have nothing left to do with it other than direct it to the safest place possible and allow it to burn.
It’s ruining my life and making me dangerous to anyone who comes within ten feet of me. Even if you don’t see me or touch me, but I happen to see you…. it courses through my blood and then gets thrown back out.
It’s too much for me to wield at full strength, and so I am doing my best to keep it at bay…..
I’m sorry if you think my work is not up to scratch…but I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got….”
The head mistress nodded and then picked up the pen.
I think I know of someone who can help you.